


I drive better, I drive safe

by CalamityK



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: HAPPY BIRTHDAY COURTNEY THIS IS FOR YOU., M/M, THIS IS COMPLETE SHIT, funny I guess, why the hell am i even tagging this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2018-01-21 04:00:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1536737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalamityK/pseuds/CalamityK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"I’m twenty-two for Christ sake!" Louis practically spits it at the kid in the passenger’s seat. </i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <i>It’s met with sparkling green eyes and a toothy grin. “That’s nice, but could you please maneuver the car in between those cones.”</i></p><p> </p><p>  <i>Louis’s going to wind up dead. <i></i></i></p><p> </p><p>  <i>----</i><br/>Or the one where Louis is 22 and still doesn't have his permit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I drive better, I drive safe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lovethelane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovethelane/gifts).



> SO I'D LIKE TO START BY SAYING THIS IS A LATE BDAY GIFT FOR COURTNEY MY BETA WHICH MEANS THIS IS COMPLETELY UNBETA'D SHIT ILL PROBABLY TAKE DOWN EVENTUALLY.
> 
> Also I'm 20 years old and still cannot drive soooooo......Yeah I have to take the "I drive better, I drive Safely" course. It's a real thing.
> 
> For the sake of this fic they're not in England, but pretend they're all still English.
> 
> It was inspired by 7 different driving fics, which I've been reading a lot of to make myself feel better ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO DRIVE.
> 
> [Read This In Russian](https://ficbook.net/readfic/4747676)

"I’m twenty-two for Christ sake!" Louis practically spits it at the kid in the passenger’s seat.

It’s met with sparkling green eyes and a toothy grin. “That’s nice, but could you please maneuver the car in between those cones.”

Louis’s going to wind up dead.

——

"Niall." Louis shouts it down the empty hallway as he swings the flat door open. Nothing happens so he narrows his eyes, takes a deep breath and tries it louder. "Get your ass out here now, Nialler." Still nothing. “Niall James Horan, I will call your mother.”

Niall’s bedroom door bangs open a few moments later, and he comes staggering into the hallway, bottle blonde hair sticking out at all angles, eyes half open and mouth covered in Cheeto dust. A couple whole ones are stuck into the sides of his hair. “Fucking hell” He hisses, sliding against the wall and shutting his eyes again. “What time is it?”

Louis levels him with a look of disgust. “It’s 4 pm. Get over it.”

"I’s sleepin’." Niall mumbles, pressing one side of his mouth to the wall leaving a cheesy mouth print. Zayn or someone else can clean that later. Louis’s not touching it. "I was out last night I needed to.." He blinks one eye open and measures Louis for a moment then turns his full face into the wall. "Oh forget it. What the fuck do you want?"

Louis claps Niall on the back a little harshly, and dumps his flat keys loudly on the entry table. “Are you aware that they are letting children teach driver’s courses nowadays? Bright eyed, bushy headed, _nineteen_ year olds to be precise.”

Niall jerks his face away from the wall and palms his eyes, blinking the light in. He looks every bit like an over grown frat boy, with his stretched tank bunching up and his gym shorts halfway to his knees. Not to mention his penchant for sleeping on mounds of junk food. He finally blinks his eyes all the way open and just stares at Louis. “Is that code for he’s a looker and you totally want to master his stick shift?”

Even barely awake Niall somehow manages to be an asshole. Louis huffs passed him and flings open the door to his own bedroom. Niall trails after him with his eyes watering.

Louis flops down on the bed face first and looks at Niall out the corner of his eye. “He wasn’t hot. He’s not even cute. He’s a _child_. An overgrown, long limbed, chocolate curled, foul mouthed, sparkly shoed _child_.”

The kid really did have sparkly shoes, of all things. Who needs that much glitter on their feet?

Niall laughs and flings himself into a beanbag beside Louis’s desk. “Ah, he totally mentioned the fact that you’re….” he pauses for dramatic effect and levels Louis with an impish grin. “ _Short_.”

Louis tosses a pillow at Niall’s stupid face and sits up. “No. He totally mentioned the fact that I’m _old_.” The kid made a joke about it. Not even a good joke it was very poorly executed. Niall would’ve done better while actually asleep, but Louis isn’t going to tell him so.

"Like I’m not aware that this is something I probably should’ve done by bloody age of _sixteen_. He actually grabbed my face and was all ‘you’re the stubbliest sixteen year old I’ve ever encountered, s’cute.’ and waggled his eyebrows. I doubt he can even grow stubble, Niall. You should’ve seen him, with his fucking dimples and cherub cheeks. _He’s_ the one that looks prepubescent!"

"At least he didn’t mention the fact that you’re vertically challenged." Niall says it lightly like he isn’t aware Louis is about to slug him. He’s scraping the cheese from around his mouth and licking it back off his fingers. It’s gross but Louis’s too frustrated to bitch about it. "Could’ve been much worse, Lou."

Louis flops back down on the mattress dejectedly. "And then he laughed at me because I almost rear-ended someone while trying to give him the finger." He’d also called Louis cute again, but that’s totally not relevant. “He’s a menace.”

Niall laughs so hard he almost chokes on his fingers. “Did you crash into anything on your first go?” He scrapes some cheese dust and dirt from under his fingernails, and then eats that too. “I took out at least three mailboxes within the first five minutes.”

"No," Louis says it quietly, deciding he isn’t going to mention that he clipped a dog or that he swerved into the wrong lane at least twice. No one died so he’d like to try and count the day as a success.

"It doesn’t sound _that_ bad." Niall laughs. "Besides, you’ve only got like four more days right?" He licks his thumb extra clean. “What’s this kid’s name anyway, that’s teaching you?”

“Nine days left,” Louis corrects and covers his face with his hands “and Harry Styles.” he breathes it out like a death sentence. It feels a bit like one.

Niall just laughs again. “Nine days is barely more than a week. If you didn’t crash today I’m sure you’ll live.”

Niall pauses for a minute admiring his now cheese free hand, “That totally sounds like a porn name.”

Louis often questions how Niall ever ended up becoming his best friend.

——

"The _I Drive Better_ course time starts at nine-thirty, _sharp_."

Louis looks Harry Styles in the eye, and then moves his gaze up to the boy’s headscarf with a look of disdain. It’s navy blue with little pink roses all over it.

"You’re an hour and twenty-seven minutes late."

Louis goes to check the time on his phone before remembering Zayn dropped it in the sink this morning. So he leans over to snatch at Harry’s. “I am not.”

Harry’s doesn’t even look angry. He has the same smile plastered on his face he always does. He pulls his phone just out of reach, clicks the top and points at the time stamp. It reads _ten fifty-seven_ in blocky digital letters. “You’re late.”

Louis settles back in his seat with and annoyed huff. “Oh.”

Harry just chuckles and Louis can see the man-child’s dimples deepen even in his peripheral. “I understand you need your beauty sleep so I won’t dock you. Turn on the car.”

Louis’s counting that as an age joke. Not that Louis is counting. He turns the car on a little roughly.

"Okay now you need to go step by step through the procedures." Harry says it with his syrupy slow voice and props his sparkly feet onto the dash. Louis wants to burn those shoes, but they look expensive enough that it wouldn’t be worth it. He’s a little distracted by the fact Harry’s knees are bent so much that he can rest his face on them.

Louis looks away, takes a deep breath and adjusts the rear view mirror. “That’s step number one.”

"Tilt it down bit more." Harry doesn’t wait for him to do it he just leans over and does it for him; breathing onto the side of Louis’s face. "My mum’s about your height. She sees better with it that level."

Louis grits his teeth and readjusts it back where he had it. “Did you just call me _short_?”

Harry never seems phased by Louis’s constant level of irritation. He just shifts back down in the passenger’s seat. “ _No,_ I said you were about the same height as my mum. Now what’s step two?”

Louis looks around pointedly. “I’m supposed to look around. Take in my surroundings, blah blah. Check for pedestrians, blah.”

Harry just smirks out at the completely empty parking lot. Honestly it’s like he enjoys giving Louis road rage before he’s even put the car in drive. Louis’s ears feel hot. “Step three, place foot on the brake and shift to drive. Step four place hands at nine and three.” He grits his teeth a little tighter. “Why do I have to say it all every time? Everyone is aware of the procedure. Half of it’s not even _important._ ”

"Because anyone who has not been a permitted driver must master all aspects of the _I Drive Better_ course to their fullest before they will be awarded their learner’s permit, or varying levels of license. It’s all _very_ important." Harry rattles out authoritatively and clicks his tongue. "Granted it’s a class aimed at fifteen to sixteen year olds with poor short term memory…"

Louis puts the brake to the floor and yanks the car into drive. “I get the point. I’m old enough to know how to drive! But I don’t, okay.”

Harry’s grin deepens a little. “And that, _Louis_ , is why you have to repeat the steps, _aloud._ ”

Louis pushes down on the gas petal and the car lurches forward. “It’s probably not a great idea to piss me off since, you know, I can’t drive, yet I’m the one behind the wheel.” He swerves around a light pole. “Might get us both killed in the long run.”

Harry acts unaffected but Louis sees him grip the door frame with his big meaty hand. “If you kill us you won’t get your license.”

It’s valid reasoning, but Louis can be a reasonable person too. “Dead men don’t need to drive, _Harold_.”

——

"Harry. _Styles_." Louis shouts it into the flat at the top of his lungs letting the door slam shut behind him.

Zayn’s bedroom door flies open and Liam spills out wide eyed. “Louis?” He says it uncertainly. “Are you alright?”

Louis chucks his keys towards the entry table and lets them skid across it to the floor. “Where’s Niall?”

Liam blinks, eyebrows drawing together making him look like a large puppy. “He’s. He’s uh. Not currently here?”

Louis rolls his eyes and stalks towards him pointing a finger right in his chin. “What do you mean he’s not here? _I’m in need!_ ”

Liam slowly wipes a hand on his pants. Leaving a sticky cream colored stain that mixes quickly in Louis’s brain with the fact Liam just came out of Zayn’s room. Okay. _Ew_. He did not need to know that.

"I don’t know, Lou. He left about an hour ago. I think he might be avoiding you."

Louis grunts and pushes passed Liam; shielding his eyes as he stomps into Zayn’s room. “You better have pants on you twat.”

He hears Zayn groan. “I have pants on. What the hell are you barging in the flat yelling for?”

Louis lowers his hand from shielding his eyes and quickly shuffles up the bed beside Zayn. “Zaynie.” He pleads poking at Zayn’s sweat coated chest. Seriously. _Ew_. “I have a problem and I need to complain.”

Liam appears round the door jamb and sidles up to the end of the bed. He glances warily at Louis before crawling back in on Zayn’s other side and wrapping an arm around him.

Louis looks at them and tries not to shudder. “Just to be clear; your cuddles,” he points at Liam’s arm, “should stay in _this_ bedroom.”

Zayn thwacks him upside the head with the hand closest. “If you’re going to bitch please commence doing it. I have better things to do.”

Louis winces. “Alright. So you know I’m taking that stupid driving-course-class-thing right?”

Zayn and Liam nod in tandem. _Disgusting_.

"’Cause I’m a dumbass who still doesn’t have my permit at twenty two."

They nod again (mostly agreeing that he’s a dumbass).

Louis sucks in a breath. “Well it turns out my instructor is a nineteen year old man-child who wears rose patterned head scarves, sparkly boots and tries to compare me to his mother.”

Liam says. “He’s hot isn’t he?”

"He has legs like a praying mantis and he called me short. Not to mention he grabs my thigh at least three times a car ride claiming it’s because I ‘keep almost running us over embankments’."

Zayn looks Louis dead in the eye. “You want to bang him.”

"I…what? No! Are you even listening? _Head scarves,_ Zayn. He wears head scarves."

"Bang him." Liam and Zayn say it in unison.

"Don’t tell me you both harbor some twisted head scarf fetish beca-"

Zayn cuts him off by covering his mouth with a sticky hand. _Oh god._ Louis might puke. “You’re a fucking twenty-two year old taking a learner’s permit course. If you were actually sixteen I wouldn’t condone this.” Louis whimpers a protest but zayn clamps the hand down tighter and it makes a squelching noise. “You only complain this much about guys when you completely have the hots for them. I don’t care if you think he irritates you to the core. Bang him.”

Liam lets out a soft agreement as Louis pries Zayn’s nasty hand off his face. He scrambles off the bed frantically wiping his mouth on the bottom of his T-shirt. “You both disgust me.”

Zayn snorts. “Shut the door on your way out.”

——

Louis has five days left.

He presses his face to the cold Taco Bell table. If he hadn’t promised his mum he’d learn to drive before her next birthday he completely wouldn’t be here. Zayn drives him anywhere he wants to go. He totally could cop out now and tell her he just wasn’t cut out for it.

Except he can’t. Because he _promised_. He sighs into the burrito that’s a centimeter from him nose.

A sharp tapping on the table makes him lift his head. Harry sits across from him studiously chewing his chalupa. He speaks around a mouthful. “You should eat; lunch break ends in ten minutes.”

Louis grabs his burrito and takes a vicious bite. “You just want to watch me eat phallic shaped objects so you can get childish pervy enjoyment from it.”

Harry just raises his eyebrows and takes another bite of his chalupa. Sour creams runs down his chin and Louis’s eyes trail after it as his new phone buzzes in his pocket.

He reaches for it and sees Niall’s name on the screen. He swallows his mouthful of burrito and answers it. “What do you want?”

_“Tommo. I was strolling through the bookstore earlier and I think I found just what you need.”_

Louis picks up his burrito again as Harry levels him with an amused smirk. “You don’t read, Niall.”

“ _That doesn’t mean I wasn’t in the bookstore. In the self-help section. At Zayn’s request.”_

Louis gags around some lettuce. “What did he need? A book on ‘ _Post Coital Feelings with Your Flat Mate_ ’?”

He can practically feel Niall cringe. “ _You had to bring that up, arse. Anyway,”_ there was the sound of a bag rattling then pages turning? “ _I thought you might enjoy ‘Chicken Soup for the Student in Love with Their Teacher’. It’s got great reviews._ ”

Louis’s eyes widen as Harry’s eyebrows raise and he looks at the phone in Louis’s hand amusedly. Indicating he can hear everything Niall is saying. “I’m hanging up on you now. Bye.”

He shoves his phone back in his pocket hard, and wraps what’s left of his burrito up. He leers at Harry’s headscarf. Today it’s some kind of puky, olive green color. “I don’t even like you.”

Harry calmly raises the last bite of his chalupa to his mouth. “I never said you did.”

Louis is crashing the car as soon as they get back in it.

——

The next day is the actual classroom portion of _I Drive Better_. Where Louis is forced to sit in a cramped, tiny DMV room and breathe in the taint of lingering B.O.

He also manages to get shoved near the back where the desks seem smaller and the chairs are twice as uncomfortable. The only upside is some old woman teaches this portion. So he isn’t faced with the terribly irritating presence of Harry for the next four hours.

Or so he thinks. He feels someone slip into the desk behind him and he turns to see none other.

Louis practically hisses. “What the hell are you doing here?” He receives quite a few strange glares from the surrounding teenagers.

Harry just leans back and stretches his arms over his head. Arching into it and letting his shirt ride up a little to show his treasure trail. Louis does _not_ want to lick it. “Mrs. Edison requires that all the instructors attend so we can better instruct our pupils.”

Louis looks around. “There are no other instructors here!”

Harry smiles and Louis swears it’s comparable to the Cheshire Cat. “I’m the only instructor.”

Louis pressed his tongue hard behind his front teeth as Harry’s tugs his shirt up a little further revealing his full stomach and the bottom tip of a tattoo. _Wings?_ “Did you have to sit behind me then, Styles?”

Harry licks at his lips and watches Louis follow the movement. "Well Tomlinson, seeing as it’s the only empty one I would say that, yes, I did. Why? Is it irritating you?"

Louis has to resist the urge to stick his middle finger right into one of Harry’s dimples. “Listen, _Harold_ , I don’t care what you or my friends might think. You’re not attractive. And I _don’t_ like you.”

Mrs. Edison clears her throat at the front of the class and Louis half shifts to look at her. She’s written _I Drive Better, I Drive Safe_ on the board behind her in thick chalky letters. She’s clears her throat once more and says, “Okay class” and immediately starts a ramble about cell phone safety and driving laws. Louis zones completely out until she reaches a part about the dangers of dodging animals and Harry taps him roughly on the shoulder hard.

He resists for all of ten seconds before he turns around. “ _What_?”

Harry leans past Louis and snatches a piece of loose leaf off Louis’s desk. “It’s just that I’m pretty sure you’ve liked me since I told you your stubble is cute.” He pauses and tears a corner off the sheet of paper and flicks it into Louis’s hair. “And from what I gather, your friends agree.”

Louis glares at him, but Harry continues.

"So that’s _two_ opinions-

"Four. I have three flat mates." He’s not agreeing. _He’s not._

Harry smirks again. “So that’s _four_ opinions against one. I think you like me.”

"I do not." Louis counters.

"Do too."

"Do not!"

“You so do.”

“I detest you.”

"Mr. Styles and...and feathery haired tan kid." Mrs. Edison squawks at the head of the room making Louis turn around and sharply bang his knee on the desk in front of him. He’s too old for this. "Do you two need to step outside?"

He’s about to tell her that if she ever refers to him as ‘ _feathery haired tan kid’_ again she’ll be the one he needs to step out with when Harry chirps behind him. “Oh no, Mrs. Edison. I was simply giving Louis here some pointers I feel he missed in yesterday’s lesson.”

Louis looks straight at Mrs. Edison and doesn’t even blink.

"See, I’ve been trying to assess whether or not he can properly handle a gear stick. I’m not quite sure he understands you have to grip it firmly and tug it forward at _just_ the right angle. He often forgets to put the brakes on first; kinda tries to do everything at once. He needs to slow it down. Relax a little."

Mrs. Edison is nodding along and Louis’s cheeks are on fire. His pants might also feel a little tight. He groans and thunks his head on the desk.

 _Three more days_.

——

When Louis gets home Niall is elbow deep in chips and salsa and Liam and Zayn are making out on the other end of the couch.

"Hey, Tommo." Niall greets around a mouthful of corn chips. He wiggles his eyebrows as some salsa slips back out of his mouth. "Have fun driving today?"

Louis throws the keys even harder than usual and stalks through the doorway toward the couch. “ _Chicken Soup for the Student in Love with Their Teacher_ doesn’t exist.”

Zayn parts his mouth from Liam’s. “But if it did you would need it.”

Louis frowns. “Maybe.”

Liam’s leans his head back against the couch revealing an impressive spanse of hickeys along his jaw. “So does this mean you’re going to bang him?”

Louis takes a step back from the couch. “I hate all of you. I’ll be in my room.”

If he decides to try and smother himself with his pillow, it’s totally not because he might like Harry Styles.

——

 

"You just ran a red light." Harry repeats for the third time.

"I know what the color red looks like Harry. I’m not blind." He might be driving slightly over the speed limit, and yes he may have run a red light. _Or two_.

"Good then are you aware that red means to _stop driving_?" Harry looks a little nervous. Louis likes that look on him. "You’re…you’re swerving a bit excessively today." He gulps slightly. "And I think you killed Mrs. Heffernan’s cat on Black Street."

Louis switches lanes abruptly without using his signal. The car behind him blares on the horn for a solid five seconds. “What’s wrong, Styles? Am I making you carsick?”

Harry was turning a distinct green color and has one hand white knuckled above Louis’s knee and the other splayed widely on the passenger window. “Louis. Louis please slow up a bit. If I knew teasing you would make you actually want to kill me I might’ve kept my mouth shut.”

Louis takes a left turn at a stop sign without bothering to even slow down. “That, _most certainly_ , has nothing to do with my driving.” He hangs a sharp right and the wheels squeal a little. Or maybe it was a pedestrian he’s not positive.

"If I throw up I’m failing you." Harry’s voice is quiet. "I’m might fail you anyway."

"Is that a threat Harold? Tsk" Louis isn’t sure what neighborhood they’re in anymore, but he figures he can wing it back to the DMV from anywhere. They’re almost passed the city limits.

"Louis you’re driving with one hand." Harry sounds a bit like a wounded puppy. "That’s grounds for failure."

He guns the car and swings it down a side road. Louis hangs two more lefts then slams on the brakes as the car comes face to face with a brick wall and one front tires pops loudly. “Dammit.”

Harry gulps again and releases Louis’s knees. Bringing both hands up to cover his eyes he whispers, “Please tell me we didn’t almost hit that wall.”

Louis leans up over the wheel and looks down the front of the car. “Nah, I’m a good two inches from it. We’re safe.”

Harry shudders. “And do we still have all four tires?”

Louis rolls down the window and sticks his head out to peer down at the front wheel. The air is visibly deflating. He looks back at harry and frowns. “Would you happen to know how to change one if we didn’t?”

Harry just kind of collapses back into the seat and lowers his hands to his lap. “Oh, um… not really?” He says it like a question and glances at Louis, “and we kind of don’t have a spare.”

Louis slams the car into park, shuts the ignition off and deflates. “I’m sorry.”

Harry’s hand comes back to his knee. “It’s okay. I mean I can call the DMV and tell them we need a tow. You only took two or three back roads we’re not too far out. Shouldn’t be more than thirty minutes wait.”

Louis looks down at Harry’s hand. He has really big hands. “No, I’m not sorry I popped the tire, well I mean, I am, but I’m mostly sorry for being a horrible student driver, and an arsehole.”

Harry chuckles. “If it makes you feel better I kind of like the fact that you’re a complete shithead.”

Louis doesn’t really think before he’s unbuckling his seat belt and climbing straight over the gears into Harry’s lap. “If it makes you feel any better you were right.”

Harry blinks up at him. “Oh.”

Louis unbuckles Harry’s seat belt too, and then starts on his regular one while Harry continues blinking. “ _Oh_.” He says again. “You like me.”

Louis pauses, “Yes, what else would you have been right about?”

Harry’s hands reach around and grip Louis’s bum. “Well you did deny running a red light, and hitting a cat and-

Louis kisses him; his tongue sliding right in where Harry’s mouth was on the end of a word. It’s not three seconds before Harry’s lips are moving against his.

After a minute or two Harry pulls back and croaks. “Backseat.”

_____

“I passed the class!” Louis screams when he flings the flat door open and bursts into the living room. “I’m now a permitted driver.”

Niall, Liam and Zayn all look up and say in unison. “You banged him.”

Niall and Liam high five and Zayn just smirks.

Harry trails slowly through the doorway behind Louis and puts a hand on his shoulder. “But that’s not why I passed him.”

It totally is.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this sucked.


End file.
